Sexual performance anxiety as the name suggests is getting anxious over your sexual performance due to being too evaluative. This occurs often because of overthinking, being self-critical, or being self-conscious while having intimate moments. So, instead of enjoying the act and satisfying both your partner and yourself, you end up worried.
This steals some of your best times and will take over your thoughts making you miserable. The worst part of sexual performance anxiety is that it leads to all those things which you were worried about in the first place. Yes! Sexual performance anxiety causes you to have problems like premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, or a hard time experiencing the big O.
Here, in this article, let us discuss some ways by which you can tackle this problem and thus have a very delightful and gratifying sexual life. But, before that let us have a look at some of the primary causes that are accountable for your dilemma.
Sex is not only about the physical aspects, it’s a complex mixture of your feelings, thoughts, emotions along with its prime element – the body. So, if you are too anxious over how well you will perform, then your mind will mess things up leaving your body unable to feel pleasure or get excited.
This is because your body responds to this stress by producing stress hormones like epinephrine and norepinephrine. Some of the common causes for having sexual performance anxiety are given below:
- Lack of sexual experience.
- Fear that you won’t be able to satisfy your partner and would end up being an underperformer.
- It can occur if you have some issues in your relationships.
- This also occurs when you are too insecure about your physical appearance. Some of you might feel overweight or some may think that your body isn’t muscular or it is too lean or not sexy enough and this never-ending list goes on.
- Some men also get anxious over the size of their penis.
- And some may be in deep thoughts about whether the penis will be erect properly or will I come undone?
- Those who have previous experience of difficulties with orgasms tend to get anxious over its possibilities in the present or future.
- Frequent watching and learning from internet porn without getting proper sex education.
Now that we got a brief idea of the factors that might cause sexual performance anxiety, let us see how to overcome it. Read on.
1. Be in the moment
This is very important. You really have to be in the moment. Imagine is a performer, be it dance, song, or a sports performer, if he is focusing and analyzing his performance while he is performing, he will mess up, of course.
His mind, instead of focusing on the ongoing performance, will be busy interpreting and evaluating it and at times multitasking doesn’t seem to do any good.
So you have to let go of all the worrying thoughts, get out of your head, and be in the moment. This is not as easy as it seems. It requires your conscious efforts in the beginning and gradually you will see how you have stopped fretting over your sexual performance.
You just have to stop overthinking and do whatever pleases you. Later, if you feel something was lacking or something wasn’t done correctly, you can always improve it in the next session. Stop pretending like this is going to be the end of the world dude. Also, remember, sex is more like an art and you will take little time to master it.
2. Cognitive-behavioral therapy
This is kind of training for your brain, mind to be specific. This is indeed a time-consuming method but has been proven to be very helpful in managing sexual performance anxiety. This precisely includes,
I know the word “cognitive restructuring” seems to sound like a laborious way to tackle sexual performance anxiety but guys, it is simple. This is a simple procedure where you have to write about your sexual concerns and the worries that haunts you in your bedroom. Just take a paper and scribble it down.
It might be something like difficulty with erection – will I get enough erection on time? or will I lose my erection in the midway?; or it can be something about the climaxing like – will I climax too early leaving my partner midway ? or won’t I climax at all?. It can also be the worry of your partner ending up dissatisfied and thus won’t be finding you appealing anymore.
All these are worries deep buried in your mind, so write it down, and in front of each concern write its alternative positives. For example, if you worry about your erection being lost, write what will you do instead of stressing out, maybe you want to talk about it to your partner or try to focus more on your sensations and feelings thus trying to get back the erection.
After this, next, you have to control your mind and focus on the above-written points while masturbating. Practice this for several days till your grip is strong over your mind. Now, once you get confident while masturbating try it while having sex. Yes, focus on the positives and have your mind in your control. This will be a game-changer if done properly.
3. Show it to yourself
Yes, guys, whatever your concerns are, try them when you are alone. For example, if you are worried that your penis wont is erect during sex, then try masturbating. If it gets hard when you touch yourself then you actually have got no problem at all. All that was your worry, just your worry!
Assure it to yourself guys. If it is not being erect even during your me-time, then it might be a medical condition called erectile dysfunction which is well treatable so no need to panic.
You can also try to delay your orgasm while masturbating. Keenly focus your mind on factors and spots that oversensitized your length and find a way to tackle and distract that over sensation. Gradually you will learn to delay your climaxing, first during masturbating and then while having sex.
4. Educate yourself
Lack of proper sex education and female sexual facts will leave you thinking and worried. If you think that you have to climax her through vaginal thrusting alone, think again. Only 50% of women have reported having a vaginal orgasm. Most women find it easier to climax through clitoral stimulations.
Getting wrong knowledge from porn and peers will end up making you anxious because the female body has certain ways of working. You should be focusing on building up the sexual tension, piling up the arousal, stimulating the bundle of nerves in different spots, and having it slowly. This will help you overcome your unwanted worries.
5. Communicate with your partner
Your thoughts and concerns are always centred on one prime thing – your partner. You always evaluate your performance concerning your partner. Will they like it, or will they hate it? Your head is always filled with several questions. There is an excellent way to tackle this. Ask the right away!
Yes guys, communicate with your partners. Have open discussions on how you feel or how they feel. Almost all the time, this uplifts the relationship and adds confidence. This hikes up mutual understanding and enchants a kind of relief in your mind. The habit of communicating with your partner will help you to clear off unwanted thoughts and focus on what is needed.
6. Communicate with a therapist
Sometimes it becomes very difficult to get control of your mind and you just can’t figure out everything on your own. In such times, don’t worry at all, what are therapists for? They can help you to clean up your mind and focus your mind on what is needed.
There are several ways by which a therapist can help you. They can suggest you different mind exercises to get the latch on your thought process so that you can deliberately avoid having bad thoughts while having sex.
7. Get medical help
If you feel your problems are still persistent, you should get medical help. As mentioned earlier, sexual dysfunctions like erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, inability to climax, etc can be efficiently treated with sex power medicines. Also, getting an effective ayurvedic medicine for sex will boost up your confidence as you know you will soon be ending this unpleasant experience.
That’s all pals, here it is. You can try following them to bring the sparkle back to your bed. Always remember, we all are humans, we may have problems in every aspect of life and sex is one of them.
You can always try to self-help or ask for help. Communicating is the only way by which someone can understand your mind. Be it your partner, therapist, or your doctor.
Hope most of your worries are being addressed. If we missed something, kindly comment below and let us know. Also, which method are you going to try?